United We...Stand?

"Teach me Your way, O LORD; I will walk in Your truth; unite my heart to fear Your name." Psalm 86:11 NASB

I was greatly encouraged this evening while being reminded that I am not the only one who struggles with the idea that I may or may not be growing at such a rapid pace as the weeds who once grew in my yard during a former period of the year. (soon to be) Dr. Lazenby (who's link appears at the right - DOMAIN NO LONGER AVAILABLE) comments on an escaping sense of security that "should" be common with all believers. His stance is simply that if we are honest with ourselves, we truly don't love and savor Christ in the way that He so desires. We can't. We're sinful. I needed to be reminded of that.

Once upon a Sunday, I was engaged in discussion during an all-popular Sunday School class where most answers to any given question were "yes", "no", or the favorite "Jesus." Other times acceptable answers that may be evoked were "pray", "read your Bible", "fellowship". You know, all the necesary disciplines that are required to get you into Heaven. (Although this is seldomly preached vehemently, the undertone is definitley present.) Moving on... during this particular discussion I posed the query to the class if any one present was living his or her life in complete unification with the Savior, loving Him with all heart, soul, mind, and strength, and truly experiencing the "abundant life" that He offers in John 10:10. And then, unpurposefully, I blurted that if anyone said that they were indeed living such a lifestyle, they were liars and needed to repent immediately. My comment received an uncommon tone of scorn and a "uh, uh...I know you didn't" attitude in reply. Although I was a tidbit embarrassed by my freudian slip, I explained my position and I still agree with what I stated.

Here's the deal: were I able to live my life in complete unity with Savior, loving Him with all my heart, soul, mind, and strength, all the while experiencing the abundant life that He offers I would then find myself without need for a Savior because I have found myself to be perfect by my own efforts. Although, I affirm that holiness and righteoussness are emphatically ideals to strive for through God's grace and His Spirit of power, nowehere may I affirm that it is truly possible to do so in the purest of all forms. I may find myself correcting an erred belief at some point in the future, but I have yet to live that day where I have reached its end finding no fault to confess from the previous twenty-four hours. In fact, there are typically more things to confess during the current day than there were in the previous. Truly, I tend to confess that I indeed have not lived united, loving with my all, abundandantly blessed, for I have a fallen, sinful nature and my very nature is in rebellion with God. Now, this does not grant me liscense to run ill-willed through life, without any regard for what I know to be true. But rather, if there be any room for sin, it be as a result of choice to not be united with Him, love Him with my all, and forsake the abundant life. And up until the point that I am no longer human, the choice will be made every day. Are we tracking here?

I have come to learn that the harder I try to unite myself with Him, love Him with my all, and live abundantly more free than I ever have before, the more I find myself depressed, downtrodden, and suffering from feelings that I can not get it all together. And the former feelings are correct. I can NOT get it all together. I will never get it all together. I will never seek Christ first, He will have always sought me. I will never deisre to meet with Him first, He will have always desired to meet with me prior. I miss my appointments with Him all too often, He has yet to be late, call in sick, or reschedule. Why? Because He was there before time began (John 1:1), He chose me before the foundations of the world were ever established (Eph 1:4), and it was Him who "has caused us to be born again to a living hope through the resurrection of Jesus Christ from the dead" (1 Peter 1:3 NASB). He chose me, not that I chose Him. It will never be that way...so why should I think that one day I might choose Him first? Choose Him, yes, but choose Him first? Sorry; not on this side of Eternity.